The men’s group this morning started a new series, called “Into the Breach.” This video is specifically talking about what it means to be a man, and what it means to be masculine. Wow, speaking about the “fatherless culture,” where so many never had a father figure, not just me. What was interesting about it was that the first video had us all talking about when we personally had the experience and the thought of becoming a man.
I hadn’t ever really thought about it, but what was interesting is that when it was my turn to speak, what came to mind was when my dad first punched me and I left home. I was feeling his fist on my cheek, and not flinching, and recognizing that I didn’t have to hit him back! He hit me and I was still standing, and he couldn’t believe that and I recognize that I had beaten him at his own game and it was incredible.
What came from that? I was the second man to speak in the men’s group, so I didn’t have any anything else to go on but my own personal experience. When everyone else had spoken and we had gone around the circle, one of the guys talked about how he had been involved with the men’s group and also with the teen group. He said how there was this great big gap between the men’s group and the teen group, and that step into manhood was missing! And for me what popped into my head was how I had done it with my son and the step that’s missing is called BoyScouts. No scouts today, so no stepping into manhood.
And it remarkable for me to consider how the male transition came in scouts. And I remember leaving the home as a kids a dozen times, and always getting pulled back in. Except that last time when I got punched. And what comes to mind is teaching my son to swing an ax to chop wood and build a fire. Yes, that power in scouts made him strong. Oh yes, “steal sharpens steal,” so no brothers and no men supporting me but always competing and confronting me. As the next “Into the Breach” Episode started about the brotherhood of men that’s so powerful.
Of course, Harriet was totally fascinated by it since she had introduce me to Bill, who was also in the class. Bill hired me to my new job and Bonnie got me to this church in the first place. Clearly to all, God Hand was so very strong and focused in this experience before me. When we started the first class lessons, the one question for the introduction that was too powerful for me was about how “at this time in my journey” I am starting over, and I knew it will be wonderful beyond anything I could imagine.
And as it turned out that was exactly what I was doing today. I went out to lunch with my BOSS, and I told him how I went back to school and had not done engineering for ten years. Then lost my job, my wife and my home. And ended up homeless hanging at my dad’s snow-bird house, as he raced across the country in his RV. Yes, getting bored and suicidal, I finally called Bruce and asked for work. ANYTHING! And then started with his latest company as an engineering intern learning FDOT work with three other interns.
I really had started over, and what was remarkable was how I felt deep inside that I came to Tampa for Jesus and Emily. I Did my best following Jesus, to raise my daughter in his light and then was done, ready to leave. But now I’m starting over again and it’s something more for me. And this really means a deeper more personal experience with Jesus. Wow, how could that get any Stronger!
WOW, and HOW!
I opened my book and was focused all day on the ideas of God All around us. God IS LOVE, God is Nature, God is everything. Course, I’ve always known this, and so I had highlighted how “Ignatius encountered God in nature” and recognizing the gift and blessings of this ongoing creation, and having gratitude for God’s creations Of course, this was at 4am on the Prayerline as well, since I’m always reminding people about day six in Genesis, where all was done, and God, Adam and Eve were in the Garden and all things were good before the snake showed up.
Wowsy, wow, wow, as it’s all exactly like another book in the men’s group: Franz Jalics CONTEMPLATIVE RETREAT, where the first week was about awareness, and recognizing God in Nature and alive in the Oneness of all things. Which again is really about bringing me back to myself. Recognizing that the one experience is about the oneness I had being lost in the woods of New Jersey alone with God.
Then of course I could see this all around me, and then read a passage in my journals about it as well.
10/6/2023 twice I’ve expanded and added stories above here. And twice Chrome has crashed. So twice the paragraphs have vanished completely! The first, I rewrote ideas from my journal about “starting over” doing real regular exercises, like I never have before. And then second about when I DID Restart with the birth of my Granddaughter who came 4/4 with Michelle’s TheJoyFM.com donation of $444.44 and making my Mom’s Chicken and Rice to fill my daughters freezer! New Breath, New Life, and start over means a job, starting Fresh, as a new intern fresh out of college. . . . WOW!
