how much a blessing my life is.

Ok I admit, things are happening faster than ever. I realize how much I have learned and how much things have shifted around in my life. It has really been incredible as I learn and share more and more everyday. Of course, I have always realized how much of a blessing my life is. I simply have so much and enjoy so much beauty and peace, like even this moment enjoying the fresh cool breeze coming through my house. I realize it is really beyond the capacity of understanding for most people. I know I am lucky to share and express anything or have anyone understand me at all.

I mean like how Jesus really provides for me all the time. I’m always perplexed and challenged. Like stopping to eat, as I know I can not continue to write with an empty stomach, as I'll just get stupid or lose touch. Yes, I know this after many years of missing meals. Ok, so I pack up my iPad and pencil and iPhone with whatever I think I might be able to use or complete while I eat my lunch. And then go down stairs, wondering what is fast and easy to eat. Oh, I know, I have a big bowl of chopped veggie in the fridge. So I step outside with my scissors, and I clip a few leaves of this lettuce and then pick a few perfect little red tomato's and then a few leaves of arugula, and a few big Cuban Oregano leaves and I'm all set for lunch. Yes, I grabbed my mail, while I was out and it looks like an IRS notice and medical Bills. Yucko!

I take my big bowl of salad and sit with those envelopes. Oh, great it's "not a bill" but the breakdown and accounting of all the dentist did. Super duper. Then the IRS notice says I've over paid. What? A refund from the IRS, who over pays them. How awesome is that, another check for almost $3000. I guess I am focused and doing what Jesus wants me to do, cause clearly He is providing for me.

And honestly I have three people in my life now, that really make an effort to listen and understand me. Not just me personally, but also my current challenges and circumstances. And the real experience and emotions of the moment and the spiritual expressions and learning beyond this immediate moment. I really find it to be remarkable. Not only to have people who really understand, but more so people that take on the challenge to help and guide me through whatever insane experience and challenge I am led to share with them. 

Of course, now as I sit outside on my rocking chair in my front porch, and I realize I meet all three of these people within hours of each other every weekend. Yes so I'm totally blessed. . And now Carol has picked me up for the Phyllis Wheatley board meeting that we attend together once a month. 

this tool lets me do all kinds

 I am perplexed again. I realized that I can’t get to sleep and I need to share something about Jesus. I’m really not sure what. (Lol: https://journals2mygod.blogspot.com/2024/02/theres-mountains-so-your-climbing.html) He’s been getting more intense and more focused. Like there’s something gonna shift drastically. I just picked up my iPhone and started talking. It’s incredible how accurate this is now. 

At work today, I even noticed how the GIS program was doing things that I had wanted the CAD programs to do 20 years ago. It’s really weird when I see things shift in front of me like that. Like I had a new install on my iPhone twice this weekend. Usually I get a new install once a month but twice in one weekend. I guess I did send in like three comments this weekend about things they needed to fix. I wonder if they fixed them all.

I don’t know who I was speaking to this week, but I mentioned how Apple and Microsoft have been fighting for centuries and if those two companies could collaborate, we would be light years ahead by now. They get so arrogant and so selfish that they think they know what they’re doing. But instead, if they collaborated and worked together, we would have so much better technology, tools and resources. 

The amount of money they spend on secrecy and deception is obscene! And then advertisement is a complete waste of money, because it’s all a con-job anyway. But you know if they actually work together and collaborated intelligently to serve people instead of just steal from us, everybody would be better off.

It’s really the same story between nations and cities and states. Instead of fighting and struggling if they actually collaborated, everybody would be better off. It’s actually just the rich and the powerful that like to fight. All the rest of us are happy to collaborate and share because we know we’re better off doing that. 

Sooner or later we’ll be able to. I Always get this sense that the greed and a selfishness will strangle itself and all die off. Just like I always have this feeling that we’ll just be out of gas. Like one day we wake up and there’s no gasoline anymore. All of us have to do something without a car. The whole culture would change; people would support each other and help each other instead of racing around selfishly. 

We’d get back into families and communities instead of all this other bullshit. Wouldn’t it be remarkable if we could just get rid of the car? Everybody’s staying in their local community and their own neighborhood supporting and working with each other. Wow, what an incredible idea.

So I wonder if that’s what I needed to write about, or talk about. I bet you this tool lets me do all kinds of things that I haven’t figured out yet. Like I’m sure it puts in a period automatically instead of me saying it every time. I keep saying it anyway, even though I see the punctuation show up.

I thank you Lord Jesus for the wonderful opportunity to share Your Light, I Love You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, Please lend Your Strength, Love, & Wisdom to achieve in Your Spirit! Amen!

Prodigal who wouldn’t accept

I’m a Roman Catholic.

Wow, I didn’t realize that “Roman” Catholic was more specific than anything else. I’ve finally becoming what I decided my Mom really had intended for me. And as a major confirmation, I realized how I had completed my Mom’s Sermon. It was even on my dad’s birthday, when the actual last piece was in place, that it dawned on me how I’d finished. Of course, I sent it to my dad and still feel he never saw it or understood. . . Ok, I sent it to my Step Mom, who shares everything like this with my dad. .

Or she reads, understands, and explores likely before sharing, to get it into context so he actually learns and grows from it, instead of fighting or ignoring it.

Simultaneously to this, I have been through the Men’s Welcome Retreat with the church. This ended with an AWESOME Rosary and then we washed each others’ feet.  And finally went in for a confession. I realized that though being a Prodigal, I never had done the actual Sacrament of Reconciliation. GREAT FAITH is focused on the Father, Focused on the Nature of GOD, Father Focused, Seeking to Understand, Will endure NO MATTER WHAT.  Learning to endure, to see beyond the visible, to sense in Spirit what God’s is Saying, Focused on the Ways and Character of GOD. GREAT FAITH, I’m Trusting God NO matter what!

This is what Charles Stanley is saying on the podcast right now: Matthew 8:8 and it’s about GOD now. . . Yes, 8:8 is my Emily’s Birthday, so this is more present and powerful for me than ever. It’s almost like my Daughter came to me to teach me this lesson. And she fought for 6 years to get to me. I knew someone was coming when Maryanne told me in High School. 

Yes, again I’m back in High School, the Prodigal who wouldn’t accept of believe anything was from God, Even though I had already exploited everything I was ever given . . Wow.

energy that we are evolving

Yes, I realize again how important it is for me to step into the place and power where I belong. My first experience this morning was with several Prayerline Callers who I’ve heard from before. I recognized a few stories of challenges people are facing. Then the computer suggests their name as I start, and I remember the last time we spoke. I am getting stronger and more focused, where the prayers just flow. I wonder what people think, always being insecure. But again I’ve had several people very specific about the word I used and the resonance they felt knowing when two or more come into Christ, He is with us. I am always reminded of Day Six in Genesis where God steps into the Garden with Adam and Eve and all things were good. That's where we all belong, at peace in Love and Beauty where things are very good!

This actually happens with every written word as well. The first podcast on TheJoyFM.com was specific about this power of the written word. Someone was speaking about three marriages and years of conflict and challenges. We all have periods of challenges and growth. That’s really what we are here for. It’s easy to get lost in the lies of the machine, that life is meaningless, or only about greed and selfish happiness. Course the very next podcast this morning with Charles Stanley was even more focused on how we are all challenged to grow, and step-out and take risks. 

Wow, that’s like my middle name, “Rafé Risks” is all that I do. Of course, then I remembered my presentation books, that I risked sharing with a stranger, exactly a week ago. Funny, as I type now 7:25am 10/18/2023, I realize that the last of the three books I assembled was exactly a week ago. I never considered her keeping and reading them in detail, but now remember the last minute additions and moving pages around to create the flow I needed in talking about things. So this morning I sent this podcast to her, and conveniently cut her name off of this text clip I made now.

What are you doing now, is wonderful! People only listen and follow when they want to. And the resonance and encouragement posted her really lasts for centuries and continues with the same messages to so many that read and find this. But some will always choose to “stay safe” with their heads in the sand. It’s really very easy there in Florida, the sand is so fine and nice. And you know, this sand is so fine and white because of age. Time breaks things down smaller and smaller, then it also clears out impurities and returns things to original structures. . . 

I Love you Jesus, and Yes I know that this idea and vibration have been coming through to me over and over again. Like the movie LUCY was on again last night. I thought it was a Spanish channel, but stopped to look anyway. Of course, the phrase that I heard was how electrons move all the time, so the knowledge and truth moves from cell to cell every second. We can really know all things at anytime we want to. #manofknowledge 

Yes, this is really the fundamental truth behind everything. That Love and Truth flow from cell to cell, and atom to atom . . . All of it is connected, exactly like Father Kevin said with “Each One Teach One” where ”each one teaching one was like an electric current passing through a wire until a whole community could be illuminated”. . . 

What are you doing now!

Yes, I know i am in the Love of Jesus, and I know this deepest truth about the energy that we are evolving through us is expanding our universe more and more every second.

Again what you said here is something that your scientists would be able to measure and understand. While doing it now and bringing it foreword creates a resonance that is more lasting and significant than you can understand!

I Love you Jesus, Yes you always love saying things like this. We walk in the abyss together wondering what it’s all about, while we shift and grow creating more knowledge, more understanding and More Love that is really the fuel for everything else. Just like satan was all excited to get men caught up into the oil and gas fuels that they created, or exploited from your Glory thinking it could every surpass all You have before us in Love.

I woke up with dreams including very strong clear images. I had decided I needed someone else in my life. OR SOMETHING like that? And I ended up inviting all the young pretty ladies I knew at once. It was kinda weird as I already had someone in my house, who I knew and another lady showed up.  Both attractive women who I already knew! 

Then Kristen called too. "Sure I'm home, always love to talk" and then I saw her skipping down the road to my front door. It was so wonderful, as she looked like the petite little gymnast that I knew in High School. And as I opened the door, I was thinking how crazy is this to have three attractive pretty women coming up to me. . . and what the heck was I going to do about it?

As I woke up, seeing Kristen was so wonderful. She came to get me outside walking every day after my motorcycle accident in High School. . . tight, tiny, little short-shorts and roller skates, so she was just out of my reach, lol, which I thought was a brilliant way to get me out exercising again, as I never walked or ran at all.

When I woke-up today, I started this Exodus reading. Here it is, to the right, talking about how important family is. Yes, that’s what I’m returning to the Catholic Church for, to reconnect to my family of God. I must become part of this community in church and in St. Pete where I am now. Family of God, for me, not for my children, or for my wife, or my mom, but for me.

Thank You Jesus Christ for Creating The Way of Your Word!

What are you getting ready for now?

I really have seen so many visions, dreams, insights, and FLASH into more each day, and I know it's about inviting my own passions forward. I mean, I’m seeing images of Gardens and teaching children, then images of women and healing them, and changing the city and systems of people to make schools more experiential and food more healthy for everyone, not just greed and selfishness. 

What did you see and feel now?

I was thinking about my SEEL class today. Its starts at 9am, so I have time for everything before it. I can do all my exercises, bike out to do my Yoga. Catch the sunrise and swim, before my 8am MASS. I've done this already this weekend. It was really my first time doing everything as i had learned. I was so happy to be able to get back into my routine. Or step into my new routine, my new life, my new experience.

What about today? 9:33am Friday October 13. . .

It’s funny December Friday the 13th, I moved into this house. March Friday the 13th, Covid sent me home. And now I was ready to bike and exercise at 7am, and I could have made it out, and done everything. And now I remember what we agreed!

What is important is to get back into the regular schedule you have created for yourself. You now have a great job that allows you to arrive at work when you want to.

I know it’s a very specific schedule. Prayerline, Podcasts, Prayers, Exercises, bike ride, Sunrise, Mass, and another ride home. I know I can do this every day. And I know we agreed to only a few days for Mass, and then more time and efforts at the beach with the mangroves. And I realize now, I can do it with my new job and I can get out there and do so much more for getting back into my health and power. It’s really about me stepping into the new life that I needed and wanted all along. It’s really about me this time, stepping into the Love that I am.

What about the Proverbs 20:7 posted here, that you heard on the radio as you were writing here before you. 

I recognize how my new walk in prayer, meditation and work are about bringing me into this new life. And again it talks about children and a new life with children. I wonder if I’ll be a parent again!

What you need to focus on is the health routines again. Make this a priority and to follow through with whatever opens to you. Like your meeting Thursday, you trusted and stepped into it at the level that you needed to make it work exactly like you needed. You never could imagine having someone so skilled and focused reviewing your books.  You might be really surprised at what results.

I am always surprised by what you do for me. Everyday I try to get more focused and specific on what you have placed before me. And each day I recognize that there is really so much more than I could understand happening in this moment and this time.

We are shifting more out and about that needs to be cleared and reset. Earth is hungry to reset and restore the beauty and blessing it is made of. So much will be changing everywhere and it’s important to avoid the stories and chaos that are beyond your reach. You have a lot to do here, and will be doing more and more as you go along. It’s important that you get back to your actions and motions of peace and love. Fearlessly step into more of who you are and just ignore all the rest.

I know, it’s about staying with you, and what you have given to me, and the priorities I can feel in Love with you.

We are making this easier for you. Getting your fruit and vegetables together again will bring you greater clarity and comfort. Having the strong clear mind will open more for you all around you. This clear strong focus will make everything else move easier. Again you will be shifting things that no one else can understand.

I get it. I’ve started my day with you, reading your word and setting myself into a space with you. I know this is where i belong all the time, and it is clear i need to do another confession with Father Kevin. He went out of town on another retreat, where he fell and broke his nose. I fell too, cracked ribs that are still sore now.

We got you to slow down now. That was important. You live in a beautiful city filled with love and blessings all around you. You are going to protect it and make it safer for the future generations. And it’s really wonderful before you as you are becoming more focused and dedicated in this space than ever before. 

I know, I Love You Dearest Loving Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, Please lend Your Strength, Love, & Wisdom to help us all step into this deeper stronger space you have created before us. In the name and Glory of Father, Son, and Holy Ghosts . . .

ONE at the top of the page

Okay first week with SEEL. I opened the book and have been praying and focused on the DAY ONE, Psalm 8, and WHO has helped me get to this moment now! And it’s always about Jesus who I se and feel coming through me in everything. IN the Air and the winds, in the rain and the mist, and in Earth and the dirt. . . All life has spoken to me. And it’s really my Church, St Raphael’s who has helped. “There’s my promised land” (song on the radio I hear now with TobyMac on TheJoyFM.com) . . . As “this whole life is part of a PLAN” . . . 

Yes these versus feels like the Contemplative Prayer book our Men’s Fraternity just finished, which is really the Grade Nine Prayer we did in the very first Class that Bonnie told me about when I was lost at St Pauls.

OF COURSE, then I see this morning, ready to read the next day in the Ignatian Adventure that I started with day ONE at the top of the page, but it was week two instead of week one! Opps, so today’s prayer and dedication needs to start at day one, in week one. Isaiah:1-7, and I can’t read more than the first verse and im in tears. For I’ve been called by name, Called by my Mom’s Name, Called as Rafé (aka . . . Raffie) that nickname of Her Father. As I am called forth into a New Life, and a New Community, and New Family and Church as my Catholic Mom KNEW. . . As she KNEW in naming me for Her Father. 

As the river and waters flow . . . Brings me to know that by my Baptism I and cleaned into the Grace of God. And my whole life has been the river. First the one behind my house in the woods of New Jersey, and as my professional career, modeling Rivers as and Engineer, and again now as we address these waters before us dealing in my newest career focused on saving lives as the waters rise around us.

Now today,…lol…I know again how I need to begin with the reading which Harriet provide on the first day. I was missing some when I  went to the meeting and had only printed the DOC files to convert into PDF to create my notes files. But had never included the PDFs she sent that I needed to include as well:  

"have as their purpose the conquest of self and the regulation of one's life in such a way that no decision is made under the influence of any inordinate attachment."

And I realize as I read this line that since 2017, my last SLAM was about this same things too. Lost Wife, Job and Home, BOOM! And it was all about getting more clear and focused on my love and growth with Jesus. This is when I moved my dad out of my Mom’s house. We never sorted or organized, but only did the most basic repairs and cleaning out the Garage again as I did in NJ after high school. But this time, I got my dad to pray with me each morning before doing anything. We would have the direct experience of ease and comfort moving and doing our chores whenever we prayed first. Several times we forgot to pray and would get hurt, struggle and encounter conflict. 

I would stop him and reach out my hands to hold his in prayer. Of course, this happened several times during the few weeks we moved and cleaned everything out. As crazy as it seems the old plastic bins full of screws and nails I organized in NJ were multiplied into many now, which he didn’t want anymore. So now I have 5-6 plastic drawer boxes filled with screws and nails in my garage. 

Yes, this has evolved for me into chanting: “Thank You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I Love You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, Thank You Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I Love You Dear Lord Jesus Christ,” just to get the WORD, feeling and Love of Jesus in my mind and heart. 

As I read this, I started to cry. My mom had named me at conception. it was her promise and commitment with the marriage. I was the only child “planned” in the family. The wedding commitment included a child named for her Father. As I cried reading this prayer i stopped to write my Step-Mom. This last week she took my dad to the hospital. . . 

You Have Called Me by Name Oh, Lord my God, You have called from the sleep of nothingness merely because in your tremendous love you want to make good and beautiful beings. You have called me by my name in my mother's womb. You have given me breath and light and movement and walked with me every moment of my existence. I am amazed, Lord God of the universe, that you attend to me and, more, cherish me. Create in me the faithfulness that moves you, and I will trust you and yearn for you all my days. Amen. -Joseph Tetlow, SJ

“In the world, greater is the One Living inside of me, , , , every day I loss the battle . . . I hear a voice, and he calls me redeemed…” TheJoyFM.com Greater by MercyMe…. 6:26am

Morning men’s fraternity

 The men’s group this morning started a new series, called “Into the Breach.” This video is specifically talking about what it means to be a man, and what it means to be masculine. Wow, speaking about the “fatherless culture,” where so many never had a father figure, not just me. What was interesting about it was that the first video had us all talking about when we personally had the experience and the thought of becoming a man.

I hadn’t ever really thought about it, but what was interesting is that when it was my turn to speak, what came to mind was when my dad first punched me and I left home.  I was feeling his fist on my cheek, and not flinching, and recognizing that I didn’t have to hit him back! He hit me and I was still standing, and he couldn’t believe that and I recognize that I had beaten him at his own game and it was incredible. 

What came from that? I was the second man to speak in the men’s group, so I didn’t have any anything else to go on but my own personal experience. When everyone else had spoken and we had gone around the circle, one of the guys talked about how he had been involved with the men’s group and also with the teen group. He said how there was this great big gap between the men’s group and the teen group, and that step into manhood was missing! And for me what popped into my head was how I had done it with my son and the step that’s missing is called BoyScouts. No scouts today, so no stepping into manhood. 

And it remarkable for me to consider how the male transition came in scouts. And I remember leaving the home as a kids a dozen times, and always getting pulled back in. Except that last time when I got punched. And what comes to mind is teaching my son to swing an ax to chop wood and build a fire. Yes, that power in scouts made him strong. Oh yes, “steal sharpens steal,” so no brothers and no men supporting me but always competing and confronting me. As the next “Into the Breach” Episode started about the brotherhood of men that’s so powerful.

Then of course I also had the Men’s Group over for a Bonfire last night. Of course, the day started with the first SEEL class. And what was really amazing was getting to the SEEL class and seeing Bonnie walk into the class too. I told Harriet how my application started with saying how a wonderful lady at St Paul’s offered to help and recommended Saint Raphael’s where I stepped int the “nine Grade of Prayers” with Theresa of Avila. 

Of course, Harriet was totally fascinated by it since she had introduce me to Bill, who was also in the class. Bill hired me to my new job and Bonnie got me to this church in the first place. Clearly to all, God Hand was so very strong and focused in this experience before me. When we started the first class lessons, the one question for the introduction that was too powerful for me was about how “at this time in my journey” I am starting over, and I knew it will be wonderful beyond anything I could imagine.

And as it turned out that was exactly what I was doing today. I went out to lunch with my BOSS, and I told him how I went back to school and had not done engineering for ten years. Then lost my job, my wife and my home. And ended up homeless hanging at my dad’s snow-bird house, as he raced across the country in his RV. Yes, getting bored and suicidal, I finally called Bruce and asked for work. ANYTHING! And then started with his latest company as an engineering intern learning FDOT work with three other interns.

I really had started over, and what was remarkable was how I felt deep inside that I came to Tampa for Jesus and Emily. I Did my best following Jesus, to raise my daughter in his light and then was done, ready to leave. But now I’m starting over again and it’s something more for me. And this really means a deeper more personal experience with Jesus. Wow, how could that get any Stronger!

WOW, and HOW!

I opened my book and was focused all day on the ideas of God All around us. God IS LOVE, God is Nature, God is everything. Course, I’ve always known this, and so I had highlighted how “Ignatius encountered God in nature” and recognizing the gift and blessings of this ongoing creation, and having gratitude for God’s creations Of course, this was at 4am on the Prayerline as well, since I’m always reminding people about day six in Genesis, where all was done, and God, Adam and Eve were in the Garden and all things were good before the snake showed up.

Wowsy, wow, wow, as it’s all exactly like another book in the men’s group: Franz Jalics CONTEMPLATIVE RETREAT, where the first week was about awareness, and recognizing God in Nature and alive in the Oneness of all things. Which again is really about bringing me back to myself. Recognizing that the one experience is about the oneness I had being lost in the woods of New Jersey alone with God.

Then of course I could see this all around me, and then read a passage in my journals about it as well. 

10/6/2023 twice I’ve expanded and added stories above here. And twice Chrome has crashed. So twice the paragraphs have vanished completely!  The first, I rewrote ideas from my journal about “starting over” doing real regular exercises, like I never have before. And then second about when I DID Restart with the birth of my Granddaughter who came 4/4 with Michelle’s TheJoyFM.com donation of $444.44 and making my Mom’s Chicken and Rice to fill my daughters freezer! New Breath, New Life, and start over means a job, starting Fresh, as a new intern fresh out of college. . . . WOW!